So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
