the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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