We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
