If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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