Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
