You smell like a Billy Joel song
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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