ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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