so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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