she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
