party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
