when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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