You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
