"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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