I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
