morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
