I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
