I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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