you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
