3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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