ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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