My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
