i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
