I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
