spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
