omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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