you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I supernannyed him into submission
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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