Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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