Sober January is a disaster.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
