remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
