Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
