What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
