I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
