You're my little dorito
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
