i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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