i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
