fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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