Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
