My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
