you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
