sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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