You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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