Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I understand Curling. That high.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
