Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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