Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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