Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
