How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
