Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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