I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
