I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
