If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
