WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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