i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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