I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
