I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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