Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
