I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
