His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
