Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
