Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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