I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
