I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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