all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
