OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
