some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Couch. On fire.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
