You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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