all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
