you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
