Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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