i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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