She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
