he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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