My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
