Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?

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(248): I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob? http://tfl.nu/efyh

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(315): View more from New York

the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.

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(315): the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time. http://tfl.nu/zyda

Replies (19) Good night (5628) Bad night (786)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.

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(910): Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically. http://tfl.nu/2hl3

Replies (33) Good night (4087) Bad night (870)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?

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(401): you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react? http://tfl.nu/0set

Replies (4) Good night (2516) Bad night (1427)
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(440): View more from Ohio

basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.

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(440): basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out. http://tfl.nu/kbtu

Replies (3) Good night (803) Bad night (2668)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?

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(618): I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day? http://tfl.nu/kj71

Replies (11) Good night (1285) Bad night (3183)
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(970): View more from Colorado

There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?

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(970): There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you? http://tfl.nu/w1xa

Replies (12) Good night (6430) Bad night (1046)
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(706): View more from Georgia

he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline

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(706): he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline http://tfl.nu/c26b

Replies (6) Good night (2016) Bad night (873)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...

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(402): Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways... http://tfl.nu/6fzc

Replies (8) Good night (1993) Bad night (871)
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(817): View more from Texas

Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.

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(817): Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/5d6q

Replies (2) Good night (1243) Bad night (443)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.

(303): View more from Colorado

Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.

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(+44): Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world. (303): Welcome to America. You're gonna love it. http://tfl.nu/yt2w

Replies (14) Good night (2883) Bad night (466)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.

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(416): I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison. http://tfl.nu/ptp6

Replies (1) Good night (1151) Bad night (330)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....

(1+44): View more from

The baked potato bra?

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(+44): I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered.... (1+44): The baked potato bra? http://tfl.nu/bc4d

Replies (4) Good night (555) Bad night (752)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."

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(270): I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester." http://tfl.nu/tgsd

Replies (3) Good night (593) Bad night (207)
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(585): View more from New York

You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.

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(585): You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe. http://tfl.nu/6475

Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (201)

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