She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga