i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis