High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack