Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!