Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
