My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober