so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pee around me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?