If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
