I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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