i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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