I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
