just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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